One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Every time I feel like I finally have my life in order, like I finally understand my Epilepsy… things get destroyed.

I went a year and a half… a year and a half without a seizure. A year and a half of control… with my medication working… a year and a half of knowing that everything was going to be ok.

Then I do something stupid. I toe it too close to the line on Thursday night and played a game that is a puzzle. And my STUPID BRAIN can’t do the dot game… it’s “too complicate” for my brain.

So what happens??? I have a seizure. All because I decided to play a stupid game on my phone. Did I have to play that game? Did I know that game MIGHT be hard for my brain?

No I didn’t have to play and yes, I knew it might be hard… I knew I was toying with fate.

So here I am… sitting at my parents’ house recovering. I haven’t eaten real solid foods in nearly 72 hours. I dislocated my hip, shoulder, jammed my hand and my neck. Luckily, I have an amazing chiropractor who took care of me Friday morning (and free of charge). He even did a cognitive test to make sure that there was no head trauma.

Yes, my neurologist knows what happened. He is an amazing person and I couldn’t image my journey without him.

But I’m sitting here with this gut feeling that something isn’t right… that I’m broken on the inside. There is something in me that isn’t settling and I can’t put my finger on it.

I miss the days of not worrying and when this didn’t exist… I started wondering about International Medicine and how countries like Germany, Sweden, and Japan treat Epilepsy… is there hope for a treat from another country?

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