I feel like my eyes are being opened so much brighter just in the last week.
I called my dad and told him about my life comparisons to my siblings and he told me:
“I can understand why you wanted to drop out of high school. School was so hard for you because of your medications, yet you stuck with it and you always were doing your best. Classes weren’t fair to you. You had so much going on in life. But, I want to let you know… if you ask any of your siblings who has done LIFE the best, they all think you do LIFE better than any of them. Your sister has told me on multiple occasions that your her hero and the others have agreed with her. Everything But Sugar, you do life so well. The one thing that God wants from us is to trust that He will provide our bread, water and shelter, in everything else we just follow Him. And look at you… you have just been trusting that your food and shelter get paid for month after month over the last year. You ARE AMAZING.”
Let me rewind…
Two weeks ago, my dad hired a career / life coach for me. We’ll call her AG. We met unofficially before I hired her and wow. She’s one of the first people to see straight through me. She saw straight threw the facade that I have managed to put up for those around me so that I don’t get the, “Oh… how are you? You don’t look like yourself. You’re not smiling…” It was so refreshing for someone to see past my smile and see that I’m scared shitless of the future.
The truth is that every day I have to trust that God has a plan for me and that He doesn’t have my back but He is guiding my path.
AG had me take a personality test called DISC (the extended version) and then we reviewed my results. I’m not surprised at what it came out to be but there is one section that says “perceived” personality, basically it’s how you think you need to come off to those around to people. I had no idea that that was something. My perceived personality is that I have to be:
Yeah, nail on the head. AG asked me why? Where did this come from….? I didn’t know how to answer this except through stories. So I began:
My grandpa is a survivor… no a thriver… of the dustbowl. He started working when he was 6 years old at his school so that his 5 younger siblings could eat breakfast and lunch for free. By the time he was in junior high, he had three jobs. When he was 16 years, he was offered a job to become an oil rigger. He dropped out of high school and started working full time on an oil rig.
This mentality of do what you have to do to put food on the table and a roof over your family’s head was instilled into my dad. My dad taught us to be self-sufficient.
AG looked at me and said, “But why do you feel like you have to be better than those around you?”
haha… that’s easy, right? Youngest of four. But when… where did it start?
My siblings are smart… really smart. MIT tried to recruit my oldest brother when he was a sophomore in high school because he only missed 50 points on his PSATs. He never did his homework or studied for tests and got 100% on every test. KB studied hard and worked hard for her grades. She graduated high school with like a 4.5 GPA. She’s still super smart and I’m constantly learning from her. Then there’s DS… he barely studied and graduated with a similar GPA of a 4.0+.
… then there’s me. I almost dropped out of high school. I hated school. I studied my butt off and would have had like a 3.0 or about a 3.5 if it weren’t for my Pre-Calculous class that the school wouldn’t let me drop. So my mom called me out every day for the last month. I ended up with a 2.75… or something.
My coach looked at me and said, “You finished first semester of your senior year with a 3.0?” I replied, “Yeah… that’s all.”
AG was shocked. “DO YOU REALIZE HOW SMART YOU ARE? That is a good GPA. Why do you not see that?”
“That’s easy, it’s not as high as them.”
Wow. Talk about a wake-up call. I have been holding myself up to the same standards as them. I have been determine whether or not I failed based on the journey and path that my three siblings are on. But what kind of life is that? How can you truly find happiness if you are comparing yourself to others?
We all have our own journey and path to follow, to wonder, and to even wonder off of…
I have a new journey and I’m so excited to share it with you!
My new career will be to help youth (16-22 years oldish… I am still figuring it out) figure out life! I will get trained to be a career and life coach to help them become more prepared for life.
Preparing the next generation for life!