Lost and I didn’t Know It

Words have escaped me as I have been walking through life for months now and today I realized that I was lost and didn’t even know it.

Today my niece was rushed to urgent care for a rash that we think is Petechiae. All of the reasons that cause the blood to raise to the surface of the skin just sound HORRIBLE. Some are “minor” and “major” but I just don’t see any of the minor ones… they all read as horrible to me.

In this last month, I have been in a whirlwind. I have been caught up in this journey of job hunting and what was going to happen next.

My sister blessed me with the opportunity to watch CB every day since the end of August. It has been the best job of my life spending time with my niece. I have been able to hear her giggles, give me her first kisses, hug me when I asked for a hug!, give me her first high-fives… I just can’t imagine not having spent this time with her.

In these last months, I have been so concerned about myself and my job that I lost site of others. I didn’t think that there were other issues that I needed to work on other than trusting in the fact that God will catch me when I fall.

You see, I was raised in a family that taught us:

You must be self sufficient,
You must be self relient,
You must be provide for yourself.

But if you know anything about God and Jesus, that’s the exact opposite of how we’re supposed to be! The self is the last thing that you want to lead you.

Every Sunday I pray, “Lord, I’m leaping off this cliff and I know you will catch me.” And every week He provides in a new way…

  • Providing me a job
  • Providing me with money
  • Providing me with food

I had a job that I interviewed for and doors opened and opened and opened, they want me and then tell me the office is moving to New York and would I come with them… no. I asked if any office or workers were going to stay behind? I’m waiting to hear if they will. I’m sitting on the verge of my career changing, praying and trusting that God has everything in control.

Not having control is the hardest thing for me… I didn’t realize that I still had so much pride and self control issues.

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