Have you ever had a friend that has walked away from you? One that has purposefully destroyed your friendship? Someone that has burned that bridge between the two of you? And then come back as if there was never any hurt between the two of you?
I have had three… that’s right, you read it… 3 best friends, not only destroy our friendships but come back and ask to become friends again. Or beg to start where we left off.
I’m not saying that I’m perfect. I screwed up in high school and hurt a friend and ended a friendship with one of my best friends because of my pride. CA had moved to Florida and I thought I was in “love” with him. He was my bees-knees. Before he moved when he was a sophomore in high school, I had everyone give me photos and created a photo album for him to take full of memories and notes. At his graduation ceremony a few years later (homeschooler, so his family came back for it), he said that the only person that got him through his move was… not me. Even though I was the one that stayed up past midnight listening to him cry on the phone. So our friendship ended after that. I tried mending it a few years later, but it was never the same.
So Friend 1:
My elementary / middle school best friend destroyed our friendship our freshman year of high school. She lied to me about everything she was doing and what she was doing (and who she was doing). Friend 1 claimed to be a virgin when in fact she was so high on drugs her body aborted her baby. I just wish she knew she could have told me. I think she was ashamed, thinking I would have judged her. The fact of the matter is that I would have encouraged her to not do drugs and to consider not dating a drug dealer all while considering the fact that a skin head is probably not the best choice (especially since she is South American).
I found out about everything she was doing through one of her boyfriend’s friends. Then one of our friends told me even more. They said they were instructed to keep everything from me. I confronted Friend 1 about all of it and her reaction: cleaned out our shared locker and stopped speaking to me in April of our freshman year of high school (2002). She disappeared soon after and I don’t even remember seeing her our sophomore year of school. Senior year of high school, she reached out to me via MySpace and acted like nothing had happened. I asked for an apology. I didn’t get one. Again, she reached out to me in college maybe 2 or 3 years after that and still nothing. The trust was broken.
In college my freshman year, I met Friend 2. We hit it off so quickly. Our personalities were so similar and we had so much in common. She lived the floor above me and I quickly became friends with her roommates as well. The four of us were very close but Friend 2 became my new best friend. We went everywhere together. She came with me to get my first tattoo. We traveled up to San Fransisco together. Friend 2 and I had the same friend group outside of school, as I introduced her to my friends. She would come with me to G’s school and hung out with my other guy friends there.
She traveled to multiple countries with me helping me work with my aunt and uncle… Friend 2 and I were close, very close. Junior year came… And her need for acceptance increased. Her roommates and I grew apart and I cut them out of my life. I didn’t care about popularity or what people thought about me (I still don’t). Friend 2 sent me a text that I will never forget: “You need to change in order for us to stay friends.” My reply was simple. “I change for no one. Good bye.” And our friendship ended that day.
She messaged me on Facebook after we graduated 2011-2012 apologizing, letting me know how sorry she was and that she missed our friends. I replied back to her letting her know that I forgave her and that I know how hard it is to write a note like that because I had to write one (to CA) but that our friendship was gone.
This might have been the hardest loss. I don’t know.. maybe because it was the most recent? Obviously G’s was the hardest, but he never came back. Friend 2’s was hard for awhile but I didn’t care at the same time because who are you to tell me to change?!
Friend 3 just disappeared for no reason (at least that I knew of in that moment). She was just gone. My best friend suddenly wasn’t returning my calls or text messages. I had just started dating J and I wanted to tell her all about him. I wanted her to meet him. There was so much we had to catchup on and nothing. Complete radio silence. I just didn’t understand.
Two years later, she Facebook messaged me telling me about how this girl we both know (but I’m not friends with anymore) was pregnant and was getting married (both have happened now). I just stared at the private message, not sure what to say. She hadn’t talked to me in two years and this was what she wanted to say? I finally replied and said, “Not that I’m not excited to hear from you, but why are you suddenly talking to me after two years?”
To make a very complicated story short, she thought I had insulted her a couple of months prior and didn’t know it had been 3 years. She had a completely screwed up timeline in her head. Somehow in her mind, it was my fault that one of my friends and her got into a debate about religion at my house when I specifically told them it wasn’t a good idea and recommended them multiple times to change the subject. Friend 3 told me it wasn’t 3 years ago and that because of our different views on religion, she couldn’t handle being friends.
We had been friends for 4 or 5 years and suddenly, religion was a deal breaker. I had never said anything to her about religion or judged her on her beliefs.
I don’t understand just deciding one day to walk out on a best friend. I’ve had 3 best friends walk out and try to walk back in. But more friends walk out and not come back.
Thinking on this, I guess it just makes me really want to make sure that the people I cut out are because we’re not connected anymore or because they are toxic.